I am Angry this morning!


For the past few days, I like most people have been following the George Floyd murder case and the universal protests against racism that we have witnessed around the world.

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And like many people I feel disappointed at the level of violence that has come alongside this, and although I get the frustration I fail to see why during important times of protest small minorities feel like handing those who need to listen to the protest the excuses to condemn it and force the argument back underground where they want it to be.

So in my frustration I  thought I would drop down my 5 pence worth on this subject, to see if there is a wider discussion to be had about how we can use these protests to kick start a new dawn, resetting the horizon and focus on equality in society.

This current protest is not a new one, I remember as a politically motivated teenager attending anti- fascist rally’s and I have witnessed the Brixton riots occurring in my childhood, the 2011 London riots (after the death of a young black man at the hands of the police), Rodney King in LA, Steven Lawrence, Stop and Search, the rise of nationalism during Brexit, the list goes on. And it feels that every time the feeling spills over it becomes contained by the media and Governments,  the real message is lost, either in violence or the suppression of the narrative because it doesn’t sit well, or is too hard to deal with.

As a white person I have grown up and lived in multicultural parts of South London throughout my life, it never occurred to me that I had a level of privilege that wasn’t afforded to my friends, neighbours and those who I call my brothers. Only as I got older did this become something to consider, that alongside the challenges we all faced in education, employment, sport, and on the street, I had it easier than some of those around me… because of the colour of my skin!


When I was 23 I walked into a conference hall, excited as I was at my first conference for my new found career in the Outdoor Industry….. only to find a room of all white instructors and academics, I was uncomfortable and I couldn’t work out why, so whilst sitting at the back it slowly dawned on me that this room, this new career, new industry that I was stepping into didn’t fit my own personal background. Over the years I have challenged this within the industry and every time I have struggled to get the voice heard, this is not because the industry in systemically racist, in fact it is in its majority incredibly accepting, it is because race is a hard subject to tackle if you have no experience or knowledge about the subject, and a majority of outdoor professionals have come from backgrounds that have been far from multi-cultural, therefore the might struggle to understand context, communication, history and the deep issues around racism in the UK to enable them to challenge themselves to make the industry more diverse.

I recently attended a European wide conference in Ireland, looking at diversity in the outdoors, and out of over 200 delegates from across Europe and the USA only 4 were from Black or Asian backgrounds!!! So 20 years after my first conference I was still in a room the room that didn’t reflect my own background!

But this article was not meant to be a rant against the lack of diversity in the outdoor industry, I just wanted to contextualise a very small part of a much broader issue, highlight it and try to assist if I can in helping.

So what can we do to ensure that the lives lost and the struggles that Black and ethnic minority people face can be reduced and that real diversity and equality can occur across society.

For a start I think that we should-

  1. Understand white privilege– white privilege isn’t about how we all struggled, it’s about recognising that because of our skin tone, we were treated differently, perceptions are such that people are seen differently and for white people this means that in our lives we have been subject to a level of privilege not afforded for those of other skin tones. We are stopped less by the Police (just look at the statistics!), people talk about and look at us in different terms(“he was hanging with a group of white lads v’s he was hanging with a gang of black guys”, we might get different questions in job interviews, we have different assumptions made about us and treatments based on the colour of our skin (50% of Young Offenders in prison are black, whereas only 14% of society are!!), and this has in some way meant that we are treated to a level of privilege.
  2. Understand our history– In the UK for most people I think we have not looked hard enough at the deep root causes of racism or black history. For some reason we only consider black history from the 1950’s onward,, where as we ignore the history of black cultures in the UK, in particular slavery, we consider it an American problem, without recognising that the plantations originally were owned by British landowners, and those of white British heritage, and slaves were transported originally by our own seafaring “heroes” like Sir Francis Drake, Hawkins and Water Raleigh. By seeing how deeply rooted the effects and impacts of slavery are we might be able to see the context to the first point above! The cities, the buildings, the families who all profited from the slave trade and are still in the highest positions in Society. Until we understand this and acknowledge it on all sides of the debate, how can we reconcile, move on, confront and dismantle these issues? I also think we need to understand our own history as a country and nation, what is our identity as a citizen of the UK and of the world?
  3. Recognise embedded racism in our thoughts, language and actions– I think its naive to think that we don’t treat people different. It’s ingrained in us as humans as a protective trait to distrust people not from our tribe, or our family, but we also react to people depending on our own experiences, good or bad with people and this influences our language and actions; do we cross the road to avoid certain people or situations? Do we avoid conversations or places because it’s too hard to confront? Do we feel guilty for doing some of these things? It is also about recognising the hidden, almost common place, ingrained use of language that we use; do we still go for a cheeky “Chinky” or call the corner shop the “Paki” shop? What assumptions do we make in our language or thoughts about someone’s heritage or culture? Recognising and being aware of these thoughts and actions is all part of us becoming more culturally aware, developing the right communication and in some ways freeing ourselves to have the hard conversations about race and culture.
  1. Do something! – We need to challenge ourselves and others about language and assumptions. Can we take action, personally or as communities to bring diversity to the fore front and have honest open debates, or can we actually do something practical to assist. I want to set up and run programmes and courses for people of colour to become outdoor instructors and expedition leaders of the future. Previously I have waited for large organisations to grip this, but now I am beginning to think that I need to take positive action. Also commit to learning about black people who have influenced your lives, friends, colleagues, famous sports people or actors, this way we commit to recognising and owning their part in our story.
  2. Talk about it– be brave and have those hard conversations, it’s scary and challenging for all involved, but this way we help develop ourselves and our wider society, which needs to become closer than ever, rather than continuing to deepen the gulf that although we don’t like to think about it, is always there!

As I said at the beginning I am angry this morning, but writing and thinking about this has allowed me to vocalise my thoughts and try to commit to do better in the future in a more constructive way. To commit to try and challenge myself, those around me and the industry I work in to do better….

For a fairer and more equitable future!


An Obsessive Mind: Performance development from Alex Honnald’s Brain!

Recently I have become a little obsessed with Alex Honnold and his climbing adventures.

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One of the intriguing things for me about watching his ascent of the Freerider route on El Capitan filmed so sensitively in the movie “Free Solo”, wasn’t the epic and thrillingly filmed climb, thousands of metres above the valley floor, it wasn’t the deep insight that Jimmy Chin captured in his subject, or the dedication and thought that Honnold poured into his preparation for the climb, for me the question that I was left with after I had picked my trembling body of the floor having been emotionally battered by watching the whole climb, was.. What is it about Honnold that made him the right person , at this time to achieve this?

Was it his innate talent? Was it his upbringing? Was it his intense physical preparation?

Was he the right person in the right place in history?

Was he more motivated and ambitious that others?

Or was he just built differently?

Sometimes you see an athlete, and they are just the exact fit for both their sport and their era, they achieve things that seem unbelievable for anyone else; Tiger Woods in his early years, just dominating his sport, Eddie Hall in 2017, the perfect physical specimen to be World’s Strongest Man, Michael Jordan through his utter focus on being the best. If any of these had decided on trying a different sport would they have been as good?

Usain Bolt for example is naturally fast, he has a larger amount of fast twitch muscle fibres (the ones used to make muscles bigger and faster) than the average person. If he had taken up long distance running he would have struggled to develop the slower muscle fibres required, and I’m sure that he would have been lapped by Mo Farah pretty quickly!!

Other athletes without the accidental genetics who don’t just happen to find the perfect sport for their attributes, just need to develop the attributes that they have. This has led to thousands of great athletes, but it is the ones with the extras that really stand out.

So what made Honnold the perfect person to be able to climb the way he does? Is it his genetic makeup, his power to weight ratio or his dedication to training the attributes he has? Is it because he happened to find climbing at a young age? Or encouraged and supported by his parents? Or because he just happened to be born where he was, and spend his holidays in the Yosemite Valley?  All these contribute in athletic development, and have all played a part in developing Honnold as an athlete in the sport he has chosen to excel at.

Can athletes be predispositioned for elite performance?  It is recognised that social background and the environment a child grows up in can massively influence the future performance of them as an athlete, it can even effect the sports that they go into. The fact that a parent has a car and can take a child to training and competitions plays a role. It has also been recognised that body and physical composition is a marker of future athletic performance, a high amount of fast twitch muscle fibres would account for Usain Bolts discovery that sprinting would probably be better than marathon distance races! Eddie Hall has the perfect genetic make up for building large, strong muscles, but also the capacity to use those muscles to carry big weights over distance!

Scientists have discovered that there are over 200 genetic markers that have been associated with performance, 20 of these have been linked to elite athlete status, so if the right person, with the right genes and DNA, finds the right sport and gets the right training, and has the right social conditions then we are looking at these once in a life time athletes; Federer, Ali, Bolt and even Alex Honnold.

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But there are lots of great climbers, possibly even ones that outperform Honnold; Tommy Caldwell, Leo Holding and Chris Sharma have consistently set the bar for extreme levels of climbing, advancing routes and styles in the footsteps of legendary climbers such as Jonny Dawes and Joe Brown, but none of them have done it in the way the Alex has. So what is it that makes him do these climbs in the way that he does?

It must be Mental, and I’m not just talking about the type of climbing he does, no one in their right mind would climb 3000ft rock faces without ropes!!

Is there something in his brain that means that he can do these feats and is perfectly predisposed to not feel fear in the same way that any other climber would?

In the film Alex comes across as a very calm, almost ultra-laid back in his approach to most things, he is singularly self-absorbed, not in an arrogant way but a calm, self-confident and single minded way. Focused on his climbing and preparation, feeling only for the things that seem important to him, and maybe not about extraneous things like food or even relationships. Is this all a thought through approach that he has perfected over the years to ensure peak performance, or is it physiological or even psychological part of his make up?

Climbing steep, exposed routes, without ropes, the risks are extremely high, one small mistake has massive consequence, even imagining it makes my palms sweat. I have had enough personal experiences, and a few near misses while climbing to really feel every small foot placement and finger hold, every move and realistic consequence as I watch him climb, to realise that somewhere in Alex’s make up he needs a much higher level of stimulus to make him worried, his approach to risk is much more refined and he has a clear link between his physiology and the risks he is prepared to take.

During the movie Alex undergoes an MRI scan, which finds that he needs much more stimulus than the average thrill seeker. So to get dopamine flowing through his brain he needs a level of stimulus that exceeds that of most people, he needs to be in risky situations, and in some ways he needs to be able to control his brain in these situations.

During his MRI the medics looked at his Amygdala, 2 small almond shaped lobes in the brain, their main role is to help control a person’s emotions and behaviour, and are also well known for their role in the brains ability to process fear.

The Amygdala is the reptilian part of the brain, a small gland that takes information from fearful stimulus and sends signals to other areas of the brain to trigger the infamous flight, fight or freeze responses. This leads to physiological changes, increases heart rate and respiration, almost unconsciously for the recipient, and therefore effects their behaviour and anxiety levels.

Honnolds Amygdala showed, Nothing!

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Comparing a “normal” amygdala’s reaction to stimulus, the doctor showed that Alex’s barely registered. Confirming that he requires a much higher level of stimulus to really get his amygdala firing. This also means that he could possibly have better control over his reactions to highly risky situations.

This genetic individualism allows Alex to hone his ability to manage his emotions in situations that most of us would find to overwhelming. He can regulate his thoughts and emotions due to his neurological talent, and ensure that he can undertake seemingly overwhelming situations to increase his performance.

Most of us do not know how and why our individual bodies perform in particular ways, especially at a genetic level, this granular knowledge is out of our reach. But if we think about it we do recognise what we are good at and what training our bodies respond to, can we use this to try and increase our own performance in the mental arena?

We don’t have information about the state of our amygdalae but we do know when we are scared by things, or what elicits our anxiety, this pre planning gives us insight into how our own brains function. Every athlete or performer experiences doubt, fear, under confidence and performance anxiety, but the first step to controlling this is to recognise both prior to, and during performance, drawing on our own biofeedback to inform us as to what our own amygdala is doing.

Creating this mental connection is a crucial part of any athlete or high performers arsenal, it allows them to train with focus, set goals to overcome or control the emotions, create stories or scenarios that they can tell themselves when these fearful situations occur and be able to imaginatively walk through situations and create the self-talk to hone the brain and the body to react the way they want, controlling and optimising their performance.

These skills and this level of focus on the mental preparation and links is just as crucial as the development of the performers physical attributes, and allows those of us who were not born with specific genetic markers and physical and neurological attributes to perform almost naturally in the sport or domain we chose to go into, and therefore working on our mental performance is just as important as our physical performance!

Alex Honnold now has greater insight into his physiological make up, he has achieved amazing feats of performance, so it is with great anticipation that we look to his development and where he goes as a high performer and as climber. But even the “average”, “normal” performer can achieve great things when they tap into their neurological reactions and train their brain and their behaviour when dealing with anxiety and stress, without the need to scale sheer cliffs without ropes!

Finding Your Mental Edge- Some thoughts for uncertain times!

Been a while since I have put pen to paper (fingers to keyboard!).

With all the noise around at the moment about the current situation around Covid-19 I didn’t want to just add to it with the standard self help and fitness programmes that are filling up our feeds.

So I’ve been thinking about how I could produce something positive, something that doesn’t just focus on the current situation but can echo into the new world that could come once the situation improves.

Our mental game is always going to be important, for the first time a lot of people are now having to think about their day to day lives in a different way, they have to locate themselves around their own home, when mostly we spend our lives away from it, having to re position work and think hard about educating our own children!

So a strong mental focus, and a handle on our environment is going to be key, being able to react and assimilate into this new world will ensure that we can thrive through this period, be prepared to adapt quickly once it changes and be in a better mental place.

I wrote an article recently for www.britishexploring.org where I described the current situation in military terms, where they use the acronym VUCA  to describe environments that are Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous. This applies to war zones and conflict, but could also describe the current situation in the world, where we are uncertain about what Covid -19 is, what it could do, how it has affected our daily and professional lives. We are having to putting trust in people who we don’t trust usually, who are being ambiguous about their decisions or motivations, and we are seeing the concept of society being pushed to its limits, not knowing how things will go if this situation changes or goes on longer, and all the time things are unpredictable and the future a clouded place, that we don’t recognise any more!


These elements could give us an opportunity to think about how we mentally deal with any situation and relate this to our performance, either as professionals, sports people, in business, in family life and ultimately as a global citizen.

The Chinese warrior/philosopher Sun Tzu is often quoted  for his insights into strategy and mental performance, one quote of his is-
“Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win”.

Which I think is an ideal quote, not just for our current situation but one we can take forward in preparing ourselves for the future. What I take from this quote that I think are useful are 6 key points-

Mental grounding– thinking through a situation, researching and gaining knowledge about the situation or the enemy. Preparing and organising yourself and your resources.

Vision– Picture what victory looks like, vision the win! Don’t get caught in the fog, the worry or the ego. Realistically create a vision of success, and how it will feel when you get there, and use it as an aiming point to drive towards.

Stay Positive– if you put your head down and dwell on the fear then this will lead to defeat. You need to stay positive, create little wins from goals. Talk positively to yourself, don’t big things up, stay realistic but when you talk to your self, try and do it positively, use words like – “we can” & “we will”.

Walk through– these are used a lot in the military and in elite sport. Imagine yourself walking through a situation, in slow time. What do you see? What do you feel? What are your actions at given points? Really prepare yourself and be confident that you have thought through any scenario.

Don’t rush to action– take time to think through new situations, don’t rush towards it, or make rash decisions.

Face your enemy (competitor/ life changing injury/ business decision or new pandemic!)- know their strengths and weakness. Learn about them and the way they operate, find the chink that can be exploited or worked on, think through your strategy to overcome that. But don’t shy away from facing them.

Sun Tzu said you need to win the fight in your head 100 times first, once you know how and why, and you have studied your opponent you have gone 90% of the way to winning. But if you spent too much time not aligning your vision and purpose with your tactics, then you’ve pretty much lost the battle.  As all you are doing is thinking of the fight and just reacting to your opponent or challenge. Rather than taking control of your mental game you start on the back foot from the beginning. Therefore time spent visioning your victory, understanding your threats, preparing to face them is key to gaining your mental edge.


Banter!- The key to elite team performance?

People seem to talk endlessly about leadership in work places, society, and sport, but what about teams, surely it can’t all be down to leadership ….. Can it?

In the UK we are currently immersed in a general election campaign, where a bunch of power seeking “leaders’ are trying to convince us in a variety of ways, nefarious or otherwise, to vote for them and their team!
So it seems timely to look at some tricky issues around leadership and team work,
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Recent team performances like England and South Africa’s finals appearances in the rugby world cup, have got us talking about team work, what about Japans amazing run in the same competition, the crushing of the seemingly invincible All Blacks, a team that has been the epitome of team work in elite sport for the last 10 years, or what about the amazing USA women’s football team becoming back to back world champions during the summer, or England’s Cricket team, outside of sport what about the top teams in business, Google, Java and historically Ford Motor Company and Disney?
All these team have and are creating greatness in their own arenas and prompt us to think about whether its teams or leaders who make the magic happen?

There is always the argument that is the combined factors in the make up a team that make the magic happen, or the old adage of “teamwork makes the dream work”, but surely its leaders who set vision, build the team drive it forwards, celebrate with the team when they all succeed?

This supposes that the team just follow what the leader sets for them, the players are just tools of the leader to achieve their aim or goal?

Looking at rugby coaches for example they build teams that match their vision, during the game they sit in the box passing tactical insights to the players, moving the chess pieces on the board and then celebrate when it all works out!! But is it this simple? I would suggest that its more complicated than this, to be an elite performing team requires individual players in that team to forge their own paths, to become the best at their specialised area, to know everything about their co-workers, work out where their skills sit and to commit to making the team work, they may place trust in a leader to set a vision but they need to commit to that to enable it to become reality, they have to take individual feedback and team discussions on board and amend behaviours and attitudes accordingly.

But a team needs to find its own identity and the ability to give crucial feedback to each other for the good of the team’s development  so that it can succeed at its task.

I’ve been involved in a number of teams throughout my career either as a participant, player or colleague, as a leader and observer and as coach and trainer, all pushing towards achieving goals, whether that was on expeditions, undertaking military missions, in sports teams and in training elite athletes. In all of these environments and team I have noticed a number of common elements that when in evidence alongside more traditional team behaviours have helped ensure that the high performing teams have met their goals or have created a professional winning atmosphere and mind-set.
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Some of these behaviours that I have witnessed in high performing teams, and personally enjoy in the teams I  work in are-
1. Comradeship –  A critical component in teams. It engenders trust, safety and support, the concept that you are in it for each other and you will “die” to protect the person next to you!
2. Banter– lots of good and generally appropriate banter (not bullying) in a team means that they are comfortable with each other, that they can keep the atmosphere light, though when it really matters they can focus when needed. A bit of gentle sledging of each other can also ensure humour in the work place, kindness and demonstrate that people can smile with each other, and at themselves.
3. Family – Teams that consider themselves a family ensure that they develop their own identity and values, ones that they hold themselves accountable for and to, they commit to tasks and each other, protecting and nurturing each other.
4. Fight for Cause– Having purpose bonds people and therefore the team together, it means that they can face testing circumstances knowing that they have a joint mission and end goal, and give it meaning and importance.
5. Leaders across pitch– having many leaders, not just the main one but others who might be experienced, senior people who exhibit leadership skills and values throughout a team or organisation can lead to a supportive team, who can pick up issues throughout the mission or work and keep people on track, and develop the weaker or more junior members.  They know what needs to be done, what good performance looks like, how to keep people focused and moving forwards.
6. Honest feedback– teams that have confidence in giving, and receiving honest feedback always strive to do better, sometimes it seems brutally delivered, but carefully selected honest feedback delivered in a strong way is highly effective. This isn’t rude or bullying, it can be fair, equitable and clearly given to improve performance or review mistakes. No one learns if the feedback is week, in content or delivery!

High performing teams need more than just a good leader or a loose approach to team work, they need a deeper bond, a connection, a focus, a reason to keep pursuing excellence. In modern workplaces teams need more than just a financial or transactional incentive to push further, making people part of a team, immersing them in the comradeship, giving them a goal and reason to come to work, supporting them through key leaders throughout the team, having honest conversations about performance, and keeping the environment fun and in good humour can lead to developing and maintaining the organisation or teams excellence.

If you want to find out more about teams that I think adopt and live by these behaviours look at the All Blacks (check out the book Legacy by James Kerr), or Google the Royal Marines “ Commando Spirt” mantra and Corps Values, these give great insight into organisational cultures of excellence.

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If you or any teams or individuals you know that might benefit from working on developing their own values and behaviours put them in touch with me and I’d love to help them work on developing their own high performance!


What Could you do with 60% more??

What is stopping you?

What is holding you back from success?
What stops you becoming the best you can be?

Do you set and reach your goals? In life, work, health etc?

If I said that you normally only work at 40% of your capacity ..max! What would you say?

“I do a lot on 40%, I’m happy with that” or do you ask “what could I do with that other 60%?”
It has been recognised for a while now that motivation, goal setting and a persons capacity to achieve are limited by 1 major factor….themselves!
Its not their physical ability to achieve something but their mental capacity to motivate themselves beyond the 40%.

You have to tap into that extra 60% of your capacity.

If you were on a long open water training swim and working hard, pushing out the cranks of your arms and bursting your lungs, you would probably think that your were working at capacity…but what if suddenly out of the corner of your eye you see that distinctive wedge shape of a sharks fin coming towards you??…..I recon you would start to tap into that 60% that your holding in reserve!
I’m not suggesting that the next time you have a serious deal coming up at work or a heavy legs session in the gym, that you borrow your mates pit bull to stand behind you till you complete it.
I am suggesting that if we know that we have this extra reserve can we find ways to tap into it, to use it to help us achieve those goals.

Your mind is the limiting force here, we have evolved to keep this 60% in reserve and I’m certainly not suggesting that we should be using all of it… we will burn out pretty rapidly. But if we could operate with another 5-10% then we could certainly push the boundaries that our mind has told us we have.

So how can we do this?

For me when working with Fitness clients aiming to succeed in their first Spartan race, or mountaineering clients pushing to climb into altitude for the first time and claim that first big peak, I try to work on 4 areas-
Motivation- Why are they doing this? what is the big plan? what got them to sign up in  the first place? whats their mission? whats their goal? Its about having a why!
Self talk – We are constantly talking to ourselves, giving ourselves second by second Bio feedback on our thoughts, actions and behaviors. So is this always positive? When things are hard what is our brain saying to us? We need to make this self talk positive.- Using words like, “I Can…”, “I will…” ,”What if I try it this way….”,  “Your doing well….”, “Keep Pushing….”.
Visualize- What does the end result look like? Be really clear about finishing the race and celebrating, or being at the summit of that mountain.  Link this visual picture to the Motivation, and feel it, connect the brain and body to the goal.
Mental preparation- elite athletes, military units and high performing individuals run walk through’s of situations, they use the motivation, the goal and their visualisation to either mentally walk through situations, or in many cases they actually run a physical walk through. Special Forces units have specific sites where they build replicas of environments they may operate in so that they can physically walk through their plans and operations. In mountaineering terms progressive training and preparation builds clients towards the pressures they may experience, and Obstacle racers can easily prepare by walking through their race, studying obstacles, trying different obstacles in training, preparing their race plan, to build mental and physical muscle memory that they can use when it comes to race time.

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Tapping into these 4 areas helps me, and people I work with to try and push the amount of capacity we have, to face complicated or stressful situations, tapping into the 60% of extra capacity we might have can ensure that goals are met and difficulties surmounted.

Try it and let me know how you get on…. start by looking at your goals… what do you want to do/ achieve/ find/ develop??

The pain of a broken system- The Family Courts & My Experience.

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On expedition in Sweden with my son last year, something that I thought would never happen.

Over the last couple of days I have been reading a lot of the comments about George Kay, former husband of Kerry Katona (90’s girl band star).

George had been fighting to get access to his 5 year old daughter, and whilst also dealing with mental health issues and drug problems, he died tragically from an overdose at the weekend.

There has been a level of backlash on this from various sources, and although none of us know the reasons or the actual details of this case or what George and Kerry were going through, it has highlighted once again issues around children, fathers, relationship breakdowns and the family courts system in the UK.

I penned this article a while ago as a way of expressing my experiences of the Family Court system over the last 15 years, and I am publishing it now so that readers can hear a view of this, from someone who was embroiled in it and has experienced the system, the emotions, the highs and lows, who was broken by it, and have come through it, stronger and with a really key relationship with at least one of my Sons.

For me this is about one emotion- Pain!

Don’t get me wrong I know and am not too fazed by physical pain- I have been beasted on tough military physical training sessions, fallen 50ft in a climbing accident landing hard and breaking bones, been stamped on by a couple of bouncers after a nightclub fight rendering me unconscious with serious head injuries (not the best decision I have made!), I have suffered a serious burn of my inner thigh caused by scalding water from a defective boiler in a rented flat which has probably been some of the worst physical pain I have ever experienced, I have been through days without sleep on long mountain climbs, one of which resulted in frost nip in one of my toes, which took a year to heal!!, I have crashed cars, fallen of motor and mountain bikes, been bitten by dogs, and even stubbed my toe on the table leg a few times!!

But the worst pain I have ever felt was in 2004 when I drove away from the house I had lived in, leaving behind my 2 young sons.

When relationships breakdown, hurt and pain come hand in hand, the arguments, the fights, the recriminations, the separation impact on all involved. At the time when you’re in the trenches, the fog of self-preservation and confusion, It drags you down into a deep, dark hole, but you can climb back out, you can inch your way back, come back transformed by the experience, a better person, a better man for it!

The death of a relationship sends you spinning, the world you created and gave you identity crashes down around you, your comfort blanket that has kept you grounded is pulled away.

Coming home from work, from all corners of the world or just from the office to spend time with my children has always inspired me as I journey home, it warms me on the inside and allows my brain to calm, to help forget about the work I’ve been doing, it makes life purposeful and worth living. When that collapses around you it is like a death and you feel utterly useless.

The pain seers through your mind, you can’t concentrate or focus clearly, your brain moves into panic mode, it struggles to comprehend what has happened. What is this gaping hole that has opened in your life?  Your emotions bounce from high to the lowest of lows.

It’s an emotional chasm that enters your life and the pain finds ways of welling up inside you from time to time, until it pours over the sides and manifests as raging anger or just rolling tears.

I remember one occasion sitting in a bar having a pint on my own, when suddenly this pain just erupted from deep inside me and tears began pouring down my face. I couldn’t stop them, the bar staff had no idea what to do and I just sat there until I was able to control them and return to my beer! You try to cope with this, to push these feelings down, you try to grip it each time it appears, and you try not to think about it. For me the hardest part was the inability to predict when this pain and loss would well up inside.

Initially I thought I was mourning the loss of the relationship, but over time I came to realise that it was the loss of being a father that was causing this pain.  In the whole debacle it was being around my children that I missed. I was stuck, I was still a father, a dad, but I wasn’t because I wasn’t with them every day, I was a single bloke who every other weekend became a father again. It was this loss of identity that actually was the root of my confusion and pain.

Realising this was eye opening, it meant that I had to re process my role, what I was and how that would look in the future. Re-establish a new identity. A bit like when you mourn the death of a loved one, you shout and scream, you cry, you deny what’s happening, but over time the pain becomes more manageable, you recognise what sets you off, you start to visualise where you want to be, the fog clears and the sky appears, you have control and you are able very slowly to deal with it.

Whilst on expedition in 2008, 4 years after I left, sitting in a fishing village in Northern Venezuela, I read these lines by boxing legend Mohammad Ali –

“You never lose when you fight for what you want, you only lose when you fail to fight for what you care about!”

This quote resonated with me, it deeply resonated at a time when I was embroiled in some of the hardest parts of the break up.

Following our separation my ex-partner took an incredibly negative path, and used the children as a weapon in both our divorce and our interactions, so I was kept out of large part of my children’s lives, and refused access. Ali’s quote echoed in everything I did.

I become embroiled in the UK family court system, which was a demoralising experience in its own right, a system that sees fathers as negative influences in their children’s lives. The court system is crippled by its own political correctness and a deep bias, which can be used to justify decisions that protect themselves from being seen as bias, though actually continues to perpetuate their bias!

The Family Court system and a ridiculous organisation called CAFCAS (Children And Family Court Advisory Service) are institutionally geared against men, a mother only has to claim “abuse” of any sort against a father and this organisation totally and utterly work to conspire with them to keep fathers out of their children’s lives. A mother has to provide no evidence or corroboration, just an allegation, and the system works fundamentally to remove men from their children’s lives, this is the 21st Century!!

I decided to fight! It is draining mentally and emotionally, but all the time I focused on what I cared about, and I believed that by doing this I would always win, whether I succeeded or not. Fighting to stay in my children’s life was important, if I gave up I would have been cut out of my children’s life, and never seen them again, if I lost my fight I would have at least used every fibre and resource available to try and be included, and I would have had to get back up again, but I would not have lost, as I had fought for what I cared about.

I attended court appearances, was interviewed like a criminal, had home inspections, had to constantly provide evidence that I was a “suitable” father, all the time while my ex partner just laid on further “ allegations”, weaponised the children and worked consistently to turn my children against me and over the 15 years of this I had to fund the cases myself.

Constantly over these years I was the one treated as the villain, even though I had brought the actions so that I could see my children!! It’s almost like they think that by bringing the case I was a “nasty and Manipulative man “, how dare I? or maybe even that only a nasty piece of work would endeavor to bully their ex-partner to see their kids (CAFCAS actually suggested this in their reports!!)

Looking back at those years, I am so glad that I fought through, I faced that emotional and mental pain of separation and identity loss, and came through it.

I never knew that I could be so resilient, it’s sometimes the case that you don’t know what’s in you till you’re in the crucible of fire and emotion. It was definitely the case that I didn’t realise that I could keep moving forwards and keep focused and be that resilient.

Whatever the physical pain I have experienced or might experience in the future, it will be nothing like the emotional pain I have experienced. I know that facing forwards when in deep emotional pain, realising what it is that I care about, what it means to me, and knowing that it will end, means that I can fight for what I care about, and know that I will never really lose.

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So if you are in this mess, you never lose when you fight for what you care about, you only lose when you allow it to get the better of you or if you give up,its about finding a way through the storm, finding your hidden resilience and driving forwards. It is horrendous that the system is abused and doesn’t have the rights or interests of the children at its heart, which allows some mothers to be supported in denying fathers and children a chance to have a relationship. The fact that George Kay was one of many men involved in custody battles that felt so low and demorolised that they felt they had no other course of action other than take their own lives, is an indictment of this system. It has been proposed that up to 10 men a day commit suicide, and that separation from children and family is a leading cause of this (https://www.fatherly.com/health-science/psychological-effects-divorce-fathers-men-suicide/ ).

I feel that this system needs a complete re shift in its focus, operations and powers, it needs to place children at the heart of its operations and treat mothers and fathers equally, with the concept that children have a right to have both parents in their lives, and if either parent tries to restrict the others access then proof must be provided and punishments for obstruction must be upheld.

Leadership- My Take…..

Leadership as a concept is HUGE!


I have experienced leadership throughout my life, good and bad, sometimes great and sometimes atrocious,and in a range of environments from schooling, business, military, sport and expeditions.

As a leader it is important to recognise that leadership grows, it is not necessarily something that you are born with, you may have some great qualities and DNA but actual leadership is developed, either through training, life situations or a culmination of experiences.

“….leaders are neither born nor made- they grow.” Mary Cox.

So when developing as a leader what are the elements we need to look at and work on, either from a personal perspective or from a leadership development/ coaches point of view.

I get asked a lot about what I think are the elements of leadership, and as I have just spent a weekend discussing leadership with future expedition leaders and I’m now relaxing with a beer or 2, I thought I would suggest a starter for 10 list (though this is just a snipit of this massive subject!)

  1. On the Tools- this is a saying used in the construction industry, and is all about building a body of experience! Work in all environments, experience others leadership, take on progressively harder and more challenging tasks. Make mistakes, fail and learn, just like an apprentice.
  2. Elvis- Elvis once said that “Values are like fingerprints, nobody’s are the same, but you leave them all over everything you do”. Values are important for leaders, having a strong set of personal values helps direct their behaviours and actions, these values lead them to develop strong relationships and to make their decisions based on ethical standpoints.
  3. Evolve!- be flexible, adapt and evolve. Darwin’s theory of evolution suggested that evolution is not about the strongest or fastest, it is about the species who adapts the quickest, and evolves to their situation. Leaders have to do the same, and do it quick, they have to respond fast and sometimes be able to learn and adapt as they go, to an ever changing environment and pressures.
  4. Tomato- There is a great pro-paradoxyism, which says Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit- Wisdom is not putting in a fruit salad!” Leaders need to build a body of knowledge, usually based in experience that can help influence their performance. This develops Professional Judgement or wisdom that helps them understand the landscape they operate in and to base their actions on a clear thinking process, even when the environment gets hectic and unsure.
  5. Making your mind up!- Not a Bucks Fizz song, but the concept that leaders need to make clear and good decisions. Good decision making is core to a leaders ability to gain the trust of those around them, weigh up the options and create clarity and direction. Decision Making is based on professional judgement, a leaders values and in the development of relationships with others. In the future, leaders will have to also consider the ethical concerns they are faced with in their practice and environments.
  6. Rocky- Resilience is key to a leaders performance, keeping themselves fit and agile, mentally and physically ensures that they can bounce back, re-plan, keep moving towards the vision or goal,  finding a route through confusion and multiple distractions. Rocky (the film boxer) once told his son that ” But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!”
  7. Its Emotional- If you look at great leaders, particularly ones that you respect, you might notice that these people understood others, could motivate and inspire people, make crucial decisions and keep teams on track. This was down to high levels of Emotional Intelligence or EQ. Some of these leaders developed high levels of empathy and emotional awareness early in their lives, others grew their emotional capacity, either way it enables leaders to understand people!
  8. Aristotle- Leaders need their own take on leadership, they need to develop their own philosophy, based on knowledge, theory, experience and practice. Being a student of leadership they gather up the theories, the lessons and the little gems related to leadership and forge them into their own personal philosopy. They use this as the armour to base their style, practice and interactions on, it helps them make decisions and to set out a clear vision.
  9. Coach!- Be a coach, learn about coaching and use it in your leadership. remember all leadership is about people. People respond best to being coached. The Chinese philosophy Lao Tzu said it best in my mind and I aspire to live up to this in my own leadership practice –“A leader is best when people barely know that he exists, not so good when people obey and proclaim him, worst when they despise him. Fail to honour people, they fail to honour you. But of a good leader who talks little, when his work is done,his aim fulfilled, they will all say, we did this ourselves”.
    lao tzu (c. 450 bc).
  10. Back on the Tools- Do the hard work. Work on yourself, learn your craft, continuously improve, learn the technical skills related to your field, work on your leadership, and work on learning more about who you are. Great leaders understand themselves, who they are and what they are about. But they are always learning, reflecting on their actions and ensuring that they are consistant to their values, and ensuring that they put their people first, ensuring that they develop others, with one eye always on the task, and with consideration to the future. In New Zealand, the All Black rugby team have a mantra, that they don’t own the shirt, they have inherited it from those before, and their only obligation is to leave it in a better state, and never dishonour it. The same applies to leadership, you have to honour where you came from and leave in your legacy in a better place!

In this article I have tried to encapsulate some small gems of how I try to lead,as well as the lessons I have learnt from studying leadership.

As with all things everyone will differ, this may be due to opinions or experiences, and that’s great, it would be good to hear what people think. If you want to be a good leader you need to become a student of leadership, to pick through the theories and the chaff, to find what works for you, how it works in the settings you use it, adapt it if necessary and continually review how it works, and if necessary, change it again!!

Hope you found this useful, let me know your thoughts!

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Jungle Kit- top tips!


A bit of a departure for this months blog.

Earlier this month I chaired the Tropical Forests planning panel at the Royal Geographical Society’s annual Explore Conference.

Explore is a great event for anyone interested in, or involved in expeditions, scientific research or exploration, it is a chance to access information, advice, guidance and resources for planning your own expedition or adventures.

My panel, made up of a team of field scientists,researchers, logistics specialists, safety experts and a doctor, with many years of combined experience operating in all  types of jungle and tropical forests across the globe, gave presentations and answered participants questions about anti venom’s, best clothing, research techniques, safety in the Democratic Republic of Congo (by the way…its not safe.. don’t go!!), looking after your feet and what to do if you encounter a snake in Africa!

The seminar seemed to go by so quickly and left me thinking about what it is that people planning jungle expeditions need to know, to help them plan?

Jungles are brutally beautiful places the world closes in on you as soon as you enter the jungle, you only see 10-15 meters into the undergrowth, the impending sense that everything around can see you way before you can see it creeps its way from the pit of your stomach up to your rational brain! You have to fight the heat, the sweat, the dehydration, mud, tangled, thorny plants, and a myriad of biting insects, all of which require you to face your fears and push down that urge to run as fast as possible to the nearest open space, so you can see the sky!

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Once you become accustomed to the environment it feels less daunting and stomach gripping, you learn to work with it, to open your peripheral vision, get your personal equipment and administration sorted and become tuned in to the noise, the heat, the constant hum of insects and the gloom of the canopy. You become able to survive and thrive, your eyes lift from the fear of things hiding in the leaf litter and you begin to look around and see the most amazing of all environments, not just the big ticket wildlife like the mammals, but the smallest creatures of all, full of amazing adaptions to live in this environments, the constant battle between the creatures that prey or parasite each other, the flora trying constantly to reach the tiny amounts of light that filters through the canopy, everything has to fight to survive in the jungle, and everything has to co exist. The jungle is one of the only environments along with the oceans where you can see all the strata of existence on a daily basis,and become part of it.

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If you are thinking about a jungle expedition, you will need some key bits of equipment to ensure that you can create a shelter, move around easily and to find direction, making your life easier and enabling you to explore and enjoy this environment.

  1. A Hammock- there is no better way to sleep in the jungle than in a hammock, swinging between the trees you can actually become part of the jungle! my personal recommendation is a Hennessy Hammock https://hennessyhammock.com/. This inovative hammock is an integrated system with hammock, tarp and mosi net all built in, this makes them easy to rig, a nice easy system and big enough to turn around in (I am a bit of a wriggler at night!). Though some people still like to have the 3 elements separate and build their own system.DSCF7840
  2. Machete- the best tool to use for clearing paths, campsites, making things, and keeping the nasties at arms length!! A machete is key kit, all the locals use them for every job, so why shouldn’t we! To keep it working for you at its best it needs to be kept sharp, so carrying a sharpening stone is important as most machetes you buy locally are of poor steel and need to be cleaned and sharpened regularly. It is also important that you carry a First Aid Kit with you whenever you are using a machete.. just in case (where there’s a blade, there’s a first aid kit!)
  3. Compass- Maps are either poor or no existent in jungle areas, and if they do exist then they are hard to use in heavily canopied areas, you can’t see very far, so you have to use the contours and landscape features, along with rivers and other permanent features. A good compass will enable you to keep direction, help map routes and keep you orientated. I always attach my compass to my shirt, so it is attached to me at all times rather than in a pocket, where it can fall out or a bag that can get lost.DSCF7986
  4. Boots- Wellies or Jungle boots? This is a regular question I get from participants, both have merits, wellies are cheap and can be bought easily in country usually, they are waterproof, high legged and can protect against most snake bites, but they can be sweaty if in them for a long time. Though I have used them on multi day treks, you have to ensure that you properly dry your feet every night and let to boots dry out overnight. I also use a set of cheap inner soles from Sports Direct or Decathalon, cut to shape in the bottom of the boots to make the trekking easier, again letting them dry over night. Specially made Jungle Boots such as the Altburg ones are great, purposely designed to be quick drying while wearing, they are comfortable and very protective, though can be expensive and need to be looked after, polished and cleaned regularly so that they continue to work well. On big trips which have base camps or if i’m working out of a field research base I use wellies, but for long trips with treks and fly camps I prefer to use boots. Dont go for cheap jungle boots though as they do not offer the same protection or last as long as the more expensive ones!DSCF7887

These 4 items are in my mind key bits of kit, along side these I would recommend lots of dry bags, both commercial ones for expensive bits of kit that needs protecting, along with Ziplock style ones for books, diaries and other items, to keep them protected and safe in your kit. I feel that a head torch is crucial in all environments, but in the jungle it is needed so that you can keep safe when the sun goes down early, and darkness sets in under the canopy, you can find your way about and work on tasks easily and they are also  really useful to find and view wildlife at night!

I mentioned the importance of foot care earlier, this is crucial to ensure that you can keep going in jungle environments. Time spent in the evenings inspecting, cleaning and drying your feet properly will ensure that they keep working for you, bacteria can’t get in and cause infections and the wet environment cannot cause fungal or painful problems that ruin your experience. I use Dactarin, antibacterial foot powder, and keep it in a large drawstring bag, either a pillowcase with a drawstring fitted or I personally use a drawstring sports style bag that I got my Mum to amend for me!!

I hope this blog is useful if your thinking about planning a trip to tropical forests or jungle environments, let me know what you think!

If you want to learn more about jungle skills and gain confidence in operating and exploring tropical forests, I am running a Jungle Skills course in the Amazon jungle of Southern Peru in October 2019, so email me to find out more about this exciting course.  https://www.james-dyer.org/expedition-opportunities/


Flawed… or Fantastic- some leadership thoughts!


On many management or leadership courses I run with all sorts of client groups our discussions usually end up revolving around the subject of what makes a great leader?

Inevitably we discuss the character traits of famous or infamous leaders and try to identify what made them great, this way we compare or try to learn from them.

This is a great way of recognizing successful, and not so successful characteristics that we can either take on and use for ourselves, or to avoid at all costs!

Subjects in this ID parade of past leaders usually seem include Jesus, Emily Pankhurst, Mandela, Churchill, Margret Thatcher, Hitler, Sir Francis Drake, and Richard Branson to name but a few. So why is it that we turn to these leaders to seek advice and guidance on how WE can become better leaders ourselves?

I admit that there are common traits or situations both individually or collectively that these people possess, or have been through that we can use to help us learn to do things differently or better.

But do we believe that leaders are great because of birth, psychological predetermination, or accident of their position or situation?


Is  there a great leader inside all of us just waiting to get out?

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All of the leaders we usually discuss in these workshops have done amazing things and most will go down in history for their achievements and success, but in the end they were only human…. Just like you and me!

And just like you and me they had their flaws.

I think that alongside looking at the positive or perceived positives about their characters or their actions, we should also look at these flaws in the same way, finding out what they may have struggled with in their personalities , actions or performances to give us a clearer picture of what leaders do.

Lets take Sir Frances Drake for instance, he was a man with a vision, he wanted to protect his country, push his boundaries and explore the world.

He carried out extreme acts of piracy, killing hundreds of innocent people, many who had placed their trust in him, and along the way profiting hugely from his state sponsored acts, that we would now probably call terrorism.

But he was undoubtedly a great leader, men followed him time and again off to blank areas on the world map, he led them on huge exploits, through great battles and on one of the earliest circumnavigations of the world.


It is said that he could inspire men in their worst moments and bring them through some of the hardest parts of their expeditions.

Imagine being in a storm, miles from land, in huge rolling seas, floating in a small 16th century wooden boat being tossed in massive waves… Scary?

Well it was in times like this that Drake was known to be on deck, with his men, stripped to the waist, hauling ropes and shouting encouragement and defying them to work as hard as him. On other times he would lead religious services on board, promoting his protestant beliefs alongside defining the purpose of their task, therefore building morale, and helping to define his leadership and vision.

What a mix?

He was obviously a deeply flawed, selfish man, motivated by greed and his need for power, but at the same time endowed with courage, vision, ability to inspire, to relate to his followers and to come to the front in times of real need and lead from the front!

We are all like this, we all have flaws and attributes that like Drake can be used to define how we operate as leaders in many situations.

If we could identify and recognize our flaws as much as our more positive abilities and if we can understand these we could learn to work more holistically as leaders, and improve the way that we understand our teams.

Sometimes we are scared to identify our flaws, thinking that these are areas of weakness, but by doing so we create a full understanding of ourselves but also how we operate in team working situations. By understanding the flaws of our co-workers or staff we have  a greater chance of achieving the aims of the team or task, because we will know how to work with people, as well as our own methods and therefore delegate or take on tasks that are most appropriate to abilities.

A good leader who understands themselves and their teams fully becomes a great leader who knows when to push, when to inspire, when to step back or when, like Drake to get their shirt off and get stuck in!!

Inclusion in Adventure

I read a lot about inclusion in the outdoors these days, and sometimes I find that it is not presented in the most positive or even inclusive way.
I just wanted to champion some people and projects that are doing amazing work (https://womensadventureexpo.co.uk/ https://www.loveherwild.com/ http://www.equaladventure.org/ http://outdoorafro.com/) to name a few, and to add my 5 pence worth to this wide debate.


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The adventure challenge today is not so much about climbing the highest mountain or the physical exploits of personal endeavor and hardship by super fit individuals but much more it is starting to challenge the status quo of “who” is being included in this!
The need for “adventure” and exploration to become more inclusive is paramount.
As a broad  society , made up of all types of people and cultures the challenge to adventurers, organisations and those that follow is to become more diverse in outlook, thinking and practically.
The challenges may be culturally, accessibility, social or even prejudice, but the sector and those of us in it must try to understand the “why” and well as the “who” and work really hard and a broadly as possible to understand the “how”, to ensure that the outdoor sector, how ever broad it is, is as inclusive as possible.
We need to explore and break down how other cultures see the outdoors, as well as looking critically at all our relationships with it, this needs to be historically, culturally and practically, we need to understand how all cultures and groups of people see the outdoors.
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In modern Britain we see the outdoors as a good place to go, a place to explore and be adventurous, to challenge ourselves physically and that it is acceptable to go into the outdoors and gain some positive benefits from it, educationally or personally.  But this wasn’t always the case. In Victorian times the mountains were seen as evil places, where dragons and demons live. One of my favorite mountains is the Cader Idris in North Wales, even here mythology from the 1700’s said that its is where the devil played cards with sabbath breakers on Sundays! This was how the Victorians saw the world, and it wasn’t till later when a few drug- addled poets and early botanists started to describe the mountains differently, and change people perceptions of them did they become more acceptable places.
But how do other cultures explain their relationship with the wider environment, and if they are then part of a migrant diaspora, how do they relate that to their new environments?
We need to understand what the barriers are or have been to people to access or go into the outdoors, disabled people have potentially avoided places due to rough surfaces or an in- ability to engage with the environment from a mobility perspective, people on low incomes cannot get to remote or outdoor places, some people view of the outdoors is that it is “NOT” for certain types of people (LGBTQ/ Transgender). But what other barriers exist for people that stops them engaging, is it attitudes, cost of clothing and equipment or not seeing enough people “like them” in the outdoor literature or on the media?
Even I’m not that sure I relate to Ben Fogle, Ran Fiennes or Ray Mears, and I am a white (nearly) middle aged male!!!!
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 We need real change drivers, adventurers, leaders in the industry, communities and through our media to change and develop our thinking of inclusion in the outdoors.
The western, white, middle class male-centric approach, with all its history, culture, outlooks and educational approaches must be challenged to find out ways to make the outdoor and adventure relevant, welcoming and open to change so that all can be represented at its broad church!